Resolving Conflicts In A Relationship

Resolving Conflicts In A Relationship

Conflicts are natural to romantic relationships. There is no one couple that has not experienced disagreements and some fighting in the course of the partnership. And as many as there are instances when the yin clashes with the yang, there, too, are healthy ways to resolve them without having to resort to breakup threats.

For example, if you've set up a dinner date with your partner and he or she turns up two hours late, your first instinct is to lash out at him or her and machine-gun enumerate all the mistakes he or she has done in the past. It doesn't take a genius to know that this is a no-no.

Before you make any assumptions and go ballistic, hear the explanation out first. No conflict has ever been resolved with a hot head. It will be difficult but once you've understood why he or she was not able to make it to your date on time you'll be thankful you efforted to be calm and patient. Of course, if the person does this all the time, then perhaps a scolding is in order.

There are many things you can do resolve conflicts. You can invite your partner out for a make up date, you can cook dinner or buy flowers, or you can write a sweet letter or record a romantic song. These sound like really cheesy ideas, but they often work -- because they can be rather funny. In the height of an argument, inserting a joke or a funny comment at the right time can have you both laughing ang giggling, and eventually forgetting that you were bickering.

There are two things vital to conflict resolution: listening, not just hearing, and knowing when it's time to back down. A fight between a couple is not a competition. Couples often get into a screaming match because each wants the other to see only his or her point of view. This is why things get messy. While it's sometimes not really your fault that you're arguing, it won't hurt to raise up your hands and wave the white flag (if only to end the screaming match that's really getting nowhere). If you love the person you're with, pride and dominance should not be an issue. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to be acquiescent and submissive.

When you listen to the other person's point of view, you have to truly open your ears and mind. Do not harbor preconceived notions about the what’s and whys of the argument. More importantly, do not dwell on the what-ifs. What-ifs are things that may or may not happen, and basing your argument on what could have been will just have both of you going in dizzying circles.

In the end, accept that conflicts are common and are inevitable. You are two different people in one relationship. You will predictably end up at a point where your ideas will be at odds. The best thing you can do is to understand at the onset that this is natural and that, when it happens, you two have to sit down and hear each other out first before making any conclusions. Of course, this is easier said than done. But what successful relationship hasn't experienced trouble? It is this that builds a stronger bond.