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How To Be Assertive Without
Alienating Others
Imagine another customer pushes in front of you at the supermarket
queue. How would you feel?
Or what if your rude co-worker keeps on whining like a spoiled brat
about his miserable life while you are in the middle of a very important
project due the next day?
Like majority of the normal population, you would probably feel strong
emotions such as frustration and anger. Too strong that it might push
you on the brink of losing your temper and letting off steam at unsuspecting
individuals.
But you don't want this to happen, right? What you want is to let the
other person know that you did not like what he did without coming across
as combative, ready to brandish your high-powered firearms at the slightest
hint of movement. You want to be assertive and not aggressive. And the
way to do this is to employ the following steps. Try it for yourself
and see the difference.
The first thing that you have to do is to be ready. This means that
you have to prepare yourself for the meeting. Try to imagine how you
would want the scene to play out. You should always remember that it
should be a calm, peaceful and straight to the point discussion. Strictly
no beating around the bush.
Next, keep an open mind to be able to understand the other person. Focus
on his main idea. If there is something that you find erroneous in his
statement, keep it in mind but don't interrupt. Let him have the floor
and see the situation from his point of view. If you feel that you have
been left hanging with his statements, ask him to elaborate.
Then, make sure you acknowledge the other person's point of view. In
the classic diagram of the flow of communication, there should be a
speaker, message, listener and feedback. Feedback or acknowledgment
is essential in the sense that the communication process is gone if
there is no response from the listener.
Now it's your turn to air your side. Remember the 4 C's. Clear, concise,
coherent and complete. Use these C's while explaining your grievances
point by point. Do not squeak or ramble. Maintain a steady tone all
through the meeting, punctuating it only if the need arises.
Last but not the least, try to reach an agreement with the other person.
You don't have to back down from your statements and apologize. Just
be open. A compromise is not a bad word. It doesn't make you less of
a mature individual. In fact, it is a win-win option for both sides.
It only shows that you are mature enough and ready to meet the other
halfway.
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